Explore the characteristics that make programming languages desirable in this 59-minute conference talk from NDC Conferences. Delve into various perspectives on language appeal, including mathematical affiliation, intuitive design, introspection capabilities, and proportional response. Follow along as the speaker attempts to implement the most average function possible, examining how different languages approach this task idiomatically. Gain insights into second-order issues, the drawbacks of ideological languages, and the importance of simplicity in language design. Discover why code line count matters and how it relates to language efficiency. Be prepared for an irreverent and potentially provocative discussion that challenges conventional notions of what makes a programming language "good."