Explore essential Search Engine Optimization (SEO) techniques in this humorous 15-minute conference talk from JSFest Oakland 2014. Delve into key strategies for improving website traffic, including optimal keyword density, meta tag optimization, effective alt-tag writing, and the differences between white hat and black hat SEO. Learn about doorway pages, article spinning, and inbound link strategies. Gain insights on various SEO aspects, from domain naming and URL structure to meta tags and their impact. Understand the importance of content optimization, submission processes, and advanced webmaster techniques. Discover practical solutions for growing your online presence, regardless of your preferred SEO approach, all presented with a lighthearted take on the evolution of SEO practices.