Discover humorous and creative ways to address common database management issues in this entertaining conference talk. Learn how to prevent developers from logging in as sa, running large cursors, using SELECT * and ad-hoc SQL, and dropping tables or databases accidentally. Explore techniques to enforce naming conventions using Unicode and indulge your mischievous side while gaining practical knowledge. Attend this session to find out how to "correct" bad practices and take control of your database environment with a mix of fun and educational content. Note that this talk is intended for entertainment purposes and may not be suitable for implementation in all situations.